i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
