from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
