I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize