wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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