As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
