I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
