He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize