and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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