so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
