please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
