Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
