how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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