you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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