Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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