had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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