How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
