i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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