Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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