Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
