There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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