I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize