I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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