I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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