Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
