My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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