1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
