Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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