ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
