Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
