Do you still have your period?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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