I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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