he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
