The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
