Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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