Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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