Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize