Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
