Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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