names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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