This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
