party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
