Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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