i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
