Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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