So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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