i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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