Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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