Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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