Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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