i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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