i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
