at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
