We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
