I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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