I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
