Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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