My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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