I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
cat food counts as protein by the way
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
