Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His nipple licking is glorious
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