9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
