Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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