You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
