i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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